The Last Thing In Our Minds
by TheDogLover
Summary: It is a peaceful day in war-torn France. Two efficient soldiers share each other's company.


Yahooo! My first fanfiction :D

Finally I've written and uploaded this, after a lot of delay, *whew* :P

My first fanfiction is based on the hit British sitcom 'Allo! 'Allo!, which ran from the 1980s-90s.

I'm sorry if the characters seem out-of-character, I'm trying my hand at writing fanfiction for the first time. Please let me know if they do.

Now I'll stop ranting and let you read the story x)

Oh, and just in case you want to know, this fanfiction takes place during Season 5 of the show.

It contains some spoilers.

**Disclaimer : I do not own 'Allo! 'Allo! or any of the characters mentioned here, they belong solely to their rightful owners; BBC, David Croft and Jeremy Lloyd.**

It was a peaceful day in war-torn France. War was the last thing on everyone's minds.

Lieutenant Gruber sat outside Café René, patiently waiting for his cognac to arrive. He was a frequent visitor of this Café, although he would usually be accompanied by Colonel von Strohm, who said that he had some 'important work to attend to' that day.

Ever since the Colonel's official assistant, Captain Hans Geering had been transported to England after being mistaken for a British airman, the Lieutenant had taken over and was since then the Colonel's right-hand man.

The Colonel was his senior officer, but he was nonetheless a good and trusted friend to him.

Private Helga Geerhart, the Colonel's secretary spies on her beau, Herr Otto Flick of the Gestapo for them and supplies them with valuable information from time to time, and also helps them with most of their 'missions' which they often carry out behind their General von Klinkerhoffen's back.

She is also rather popular among the boys, and very much admired by the annoying Italian Wop Captain, Captain Bertorelli, Hans's replacement. He doesn't take his job seriously, except for 'training his troops' once in a while, he spends most of his time 'chatting up-a da beautiful laidees'.

Here comes Renè with his desired drink, placing it on his table, the sweet Lieutenant gives him a smile as he gets back to work in his Café.

'What a charming man…', Gruber sighs to himself.

He would never miss a chance to save the life of his favourite café owner. He has had to do so several times, thanks to René's frequent and forced involvements with the Resistance, which thankfully, he doesn't know about.

The German Lieutenant, although born with handsome features and a mesmerizing singing voice, and encountering lovely ladies like Helga and the waitresses at the café everyday, he never felt the slightest bit of attraction to them or any other female. Infact, he dislikes women, as he believes they're 'all deceivers'.

He much prefers men, and is drawn to them instead.

Speaking of women, he spots Helga approaching the Café.

Whenever Helga came to the Café René, she would usually bring along updates about Herr Flick's next devious scheme.

As he was expecting this, he sat up straight from his cross-legged position, prepared to listen to the information.

"Good Afternoon, Lieutenant", wished Helga.

"Good Afternoon, Helga. Anything new from Herr Flick?"

"I'm afraid not…" Helga pulls a chair and sits across the Lieutenant, "…he says his spies have not been working very well. He intends to have them shot if they don't improve."

"How typical…". Sighing, he retreats into his chair, taking a sip of his cognac.

Everyone in the town hated and feared Herr Flick. The German soldiers were no exception. Helga was the only one who did not go cold at the sound of the senior Gestapo officer's name.

After a moment of silence, Helga spoke up.

"It doesn't seem much like a war-torn village, does it? Look at all those peasants, laughing and chatting. They enjoy their days with War the last thing on their minds. Don't you think we should be doing the same, Lieutenant?"

Agreeing with her observation, he responds, "I wish we could. But you do know that our Jobs and Seniors prevent us from doing so. They have high expectations from us. And the Resistance is always trying to kill us, which I really prefer not to think about. It's something we have to live with until this terrible war is over, Helga."

Nodding in understanding, she resumes watching the peasants.

They never complained. Their undying loyalty to their duties resulted in frequent, important assignments from their senior officers. They quietly obeyed their superior's orders, whether they liked it or not.

"What do you exactly intend to do after war, Lieutenant?", asks Helga, thoughtfully.

"Well firstly, we do have to sell the paintings and share the proceeds among us. Then, I'd probably do something in the field of Art and Painting. The rest depends on fate…"

"And have you ever thought about…marriage?"

Rather surprised by her question, he awkwardly takes another sip from his cognac.

"…My mother has always wished for me to marry a…a nice blonde, German woman, you see, but…"

There is an awkward silence, as both realize that the kind of girl his mother wants him to marry is, in fact, seated right in front of him.

Helga breaks the unnerving silence.

"Don't worry, Lieutenant, I'm sure you'll find a nice lady to cement relations with.", she said, tapping his wrist.

"Thank you, Helga. I think we should be returning to our office. The Colonel must be back by now."

"Yes, it's about time we leave.", she stands up and pushes back the chair.

"I'll give you a lift in my little tank", the courteous Lieutenant offers, downing his drink.

They leave for their duties.

While it may not be possible for them to keep War the last thing in their minds, their efficiency and loyalty will ensure them a good standing in life.

That's it. Nothing too special. :)

Did they seem out-of-character? Please let me know if they did.

No rude comments, please! However, constructive criticism is accepted :).

Thanks for reading! A review would be really nice x)

Have a lovely day!

Love,

TheDogLover


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